Receive a Compliment- Part 2

Wow, I'm telling you, when you ask God to search you, HE DOES.  OUCH.  Even though the truth sometimes hurts, I am thrilled that the discomfort is resulting in a further freedom for me in this season.  If I ever seem like I am content where I am, SAY THESE WORDS TO ME...deeper still, Beth, deeper still.  There is always room to grow, learn and change our perspective.  May I always stay open to take heart, measure and be willing to change.

So, the answer I received in my quiet time is SO NOT WHAT I EXPECTED.  Simply put, God told me I was asking the wrong question and I already knew the answer to the right question if I would just ask it instead.  It was similar to an audio voice screaming at you, ''Beth, the question that heals distortions of our identity isn't a question we should ask of others or even of ourselves.''  WHOA whoa whoa, wait a minute mister...what do you mean I have a distortion of my identity....

The true question is ''Who do you say that I am, Lord.''  I'm learning the answer to that question will change your life, if you believe what He says about you.  My goal in this season is not to learn to receive a compliment, but to understand the lie that prevents me from believing who I really am.  That way, compliment or no compliment, I am free to be me.  Also, as a result, being able to receive a compliment as intended, no matter from who or when, results in affirmation, encouragement and a moment to feel the admiration of another.  My goal...To heal and grow spiritually and emotionally so that I will become what I already am in His eyes...that is my answer; that is my on-going goal, and specifically where my focus needs to be in the now.

It places new meaning on my motto---Be bold.  Be radically different.  Be yourself.  hmmm...

Recieve a Compliment- Part 1

I love to give a compliment and I like to get one.  Some people love to receive one and rarely extend one.  Others find it hard to sincerely speak one.  I have witnessed other people near death if they don't hear one and many who literally spend most of their time fishing for one.  It leaves me to wonder why the heck I am having so much trouble taking to heart words meant to encourage me.

I don't remember ever ''needing'' a compliment to feel worthy, but I have very much enjoyed them when sincerely given. Thankfully, I find my self-worth in things that aren't received from others, however we are called not only to encourage but to allow ourselves to be encouraged, as well.  I'm not sure the scripture behind that one, but logically if God's word tells us to encourage then He had someone in mind to receive it, right....

I asked a friend a question today that resulted in a compliment.  Why did I get that deep feeling inside making it hard for me to receive it...Why did something meant to be uplifting, feel so uncomfortable...

Yesterday, my sister posted a compliment and for some reason I questioned her later because I felt this overwhelming feeling that her over the top words were not true.  Hmmm....even her response to my question, had me twisted and resulted in me making excuses for myself.  I wonder if she saw through that....and how would I have reacted if she would have pursued me toward accountability after I shut her down the first time.

To drive my point even further, confidence is the root of this blog, yet I STILL have yet to send out the launch post.  I keep saying I'm waiting on ''this or that'' but the truth is I'm just scared.  I am unsure of ''what'' exactly, but I feel parts of me that are just not ready to be exposed yet.  In my experience, fear is not always the absence of courage or confidence, but is often God's way of protecting us from something we are not quite ready for.  Probably need to search that one, too.  One thing at a time...

So, I decided my deeper still moment would be the self examine necessary to determine what the heck my problem is. Where's the gap in truth when it comes to this part of my self confidence.  And how do I reclaim it and take ownership once and for all.   Faking it can be exhausting and no one should have to do that forever....

Don't be scared to intentionally search for the strongholds that keep you from truly becoming who you are, instead of waiting for them to bite you.  Being forced to deal with issues may seem easier than proactively doing it yourself, but that lack of proactivity may just be a factor in the reason you have the issue to begin with. But beware...when you do ask this bold question, He shows up and expects movement.  My search is to figure out why, in this season, can I not be open to the kindness of others who choose to be faithful in their call to encourage....

Learning what you Live...

Well, this blogging thing is harder than it seems but today I have something heavy on my heart to share.

My 9 year old daughter was sitting at the computer when I told her she could unplug the laptop and go into the living area.  She said, ''You don't let us do that, Mom.  That's the rule. We sit here to work on the computer.''.  I responded with, ''Who made that rule...I have never put that rule into place.''  Her simple answer, ''You never unplug it and go into the other room with it, so I assumed I wasn't able to either.''

This written account of this interaction, may not be the exact words of the exchange, but you get the point.  Our children watch our every move.  Spoken, unspoken, intentional, unintentional.  Using this to our advantage is possibly the key ingredient that separates the great parents from the good parents.

Recently I began the process of divorce.  My divorce is not final yet and I honestly see no end in site from a legal standpoint.  From an opportunity standpoint, I see many options in using my heart ache to help my children understand life, love and the true pursuit of happiness.  And when you're raising two little girls, specifically, purity is a key element that every mother desires to instill in their hearts.  Not just the concept, but the desire, courage and self confidence to make a decision proactively and avoid situations where the temptation may be dangerous.  This doesn't just involve other people, but these days it involves tv, computer, magazines, text messages...even video games.  Our children are surrounded by the lies that purity is not important and lack of purity moves you forward.  Hmmm....I am left to ask myself, have I made an unspoken agreement to that lie over the years...And if I have, I wonder what God wants to replace it with...

If I am honest, the answer is yes, I have.  The consequences have been great and will forever remain as a reminder of the importance of intentional, proactive living.  Too often people think of God's wisdom as a deflation to their party, when in fact it is simply guard rails for your heart.  His wisdom is not rigid rules to prevent or hinder us.  His wisdom enhances, satisfies and places us in a mindset to receive the blessings He places in front of us, to the fullest.

A while back, I made the decision to stop wearing my wedding ring.  For me it was a symbol of something that was no longer a possibility and a constant reminder of what was not.  I won't go into detail on what a wedding ring is suppose to signify, but I will tell you that when I removed it, God replaced it with something else...And He did it in a way only He could do.  One day, I'll share that story, but today is not the day.

To wrap this post up and bring it full circle.  I wear a ring now.  It's not my wedding ring, but it's a ring that I feel God gave me.  One that brings a visual reminder into my spirit each time I need to be reminded that my purity is important. It's crucial.  If for no other reason, BECAUSE my kids are learning by what I LIVE.   They are making agreements with truths, and lies, that will remain a part of them through life.  I believe it is my job to make sure those agreements are understood, so when they do make their own choices they do so with a wisdom far beyond anything I could decide for them.  Like my mother use to say, ''root and wings.  roots and wings''.  As a mother myself, it is sometimes the hardest thing to truly, consistently achieve.

In my quiet time this morning, I surrendered the busyness of my mind and the Spirit lead me to this verse.  ''If someone claims, ''I know Him well but doesn't keep His commandments, he's obviously a liar.''  It may not all come together for you while reading this post, but it will come.  It has for me this morning and I am thankful I serve a God that leads.  He's my husband and He will never leave or forsake me.  He allows me to be the imperfect person that I am, knowing I am serving Him, a perfect God.

Shine on.  Be yourself.